I feel like my Urdu is permanently in a state of ‘I can kind of say what I want to say in a very general way, but I’ll sound like an idiot doing it’
My mother-in-law is so sweet for carrying on conversations with me and not pointing out all my grammatical errors which I’m sure are happening every 10 seconds.
I wish there were formal Urdu classes somewhere I could take. There probably are but, you know, that requires money. I own like six learn urdu books but it drives me crazy because I’ll use sentences that I learn from them and then my husband or brother-in-laws or sister-in-laws are like ‘that sounds weird, where did you learn that?’
Definitely need to learn Urdu from native speakers and not a book. I’ve been betrayed too many times by these unreliable learn urdu books.
Walaikum Asalaam! Jazaak Allah Khair for giving me the chance to participate. I completed the survey. I’m posting this for my other covert/revert follows to see so they can participate as well =)
The only marriage process mentioned in the qur’an is of Musa (aleyhi salaam) marrying one of the daughters of the old fellow in Madyan and that is an “INTER - CULTURAL MARRIAGE”.
He is from Banu Israel and they are Arabs.
And the only marriage mentioned is the one where the “GIRL” actually suggested the guy, which is all unconventional for us right?
BUT! its in “THE QUR’AN” and whats more conventional than Allah’s Book?
- Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan
it’s especially important to practice this with KIDS. Kids need to know it’s ok to say no to giving auntie a hug and kiss. it’s ok to say no to getting up on stage at a children’s show or activity. it’s ok to say no. please teach your children this!
Husband got a second interview for the job in the middle of the forest. I might be writing to you guys from a tree house in the near future if he gets the job lol. Just please let the town have a masjid … maybe even a masjid with a half decent women’s area? In a town with a population of only 600 that might be asking too much
i hate change.
note to self, learn to embrace change before he hears back if he gets the job or not so I can not be so selfish and start being supportive
Habeebti if it is only 3 months go for it. It will improve a lot your life to have this certificate. May Allah increase your Sabr. If you really don’t want it is up to you too. It was just a little advice.Aw jazak Allah khair I appreciate it =) Actually he just got a second interview for the tiny little city like an hour and a half away from Ottawa yesterday. It’s next Thursday. So, if he gets that job I’ll be too far from any college to do the program. So if I do decide to do it I’ll have to live away from him for three months here in Toronto. We haven’t spent one night apart ever since we got married, we have been so spoiled alhamdulilah. We’re so close I just can’t imagine three months apart. Either way, if he gets this job maybe I’ll be able to get an actual teaching job out in this tiny town. I have an English and teaching degree from university which I haven’t been using because getting a regular teaching job in Toronto is just impossible. Who knows? I guess first I’ll let him do the interview and see if he even gets the job … I always get so ahead of myself! After he told me about the interview yesterday I got so so upset just THINKING of leaving my hometown. Everyone I love is here, our families, our whole lives. But I seriously need to relax and let things happen. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it =) Sorry for this other mini rant haha
I literally can’t decide what to do.
I want to go back to school and get a TESL diploma so that I can teach ESL to adults officially and do that as my job, for money. I was teaching English to parents at the school I used to volunteer at and I loved it so much. It was great because my Urdu was good enough that I could translate basic stuff which allowed them to build upon basics to learn more advanced stuff naturally that I couldn’t translate.
But my husband is continuously looking for a new job. Alhamdulilah, he just had two interviews recently, one is for a job close by and would allow us to stay here, one is kind of out in the middle of nowhere around 150km away from Ottawa or something.
So the problem is I can’t do this three-month TESL course if we’re going to move. But if we’re going to stay, I can. But I don’t know when or if he’ll get another job. And I don’t want to pay tuition, get enrolled, and then suddenly he gets a new job in another city. Then what am I supposed to do? Drop out? Waste all that money? No, we’ll probably have to live apart for the time I’m in school and I’ll live with his parents or his sister or something while I finish.
I really can’t stand the idea of being away from him. But it might not even happen! Maybe he won’t get a new job while I’m in school and everything will be fine. But maybe he will. So I don’t know if I should apply for the program or not because I don’t know what the hell might happen.
So I’m like … maybe I should just wait until he has the job he wants and then I’ll go back to school for this adult ESL thing.
But what if his job takes us somewhere remote where I don’t have access to a college that offers the program? Then again, odds are, if we end up somewhere remote, I shouldn’t go into this line of work because tiny town usually equals no newcomers who would want to learn English.
Ugh I’m just making dua he gets one of these two jobs he already interviewed for. The program starts in September. Then at least we’ll know and can make plans. Not knowing where I’ll be living in the next three months at any given time is really unnerving. I really hope he finds a job he’s ready to really commit to soon, insha’Allah.
This has been my rant. Thank you for listening.
Are you the Bilal you’re referencing? You sound quite frantic so I want you to slow down. Bars and clubs are not fun, trust me. No self-destructive behaviour will make you feel better. I really have no resources to help you since this is just a blog where I write about islamic feminism. I know the whole rishta process can feel very judgmental when the focus is on your job when times are tough and everyone wants you to be perfect. I want you to reach out to someone in your life you can trust, whether it be a friend or family member or a teacher you trust at school and let them know that you are feeling suicidal and that you need help. I want you to get help. Allah wants you to get help. Don’t let others get to you. I don’t know if there are counselling services where you are in Pakistan, but if they are available, please, please make use of them. I hope you find what you need.
I don’t think posts about sexuality will inspire people to be Muslim. I don’t think that was the point of that quote. The fact is that the Qu’ran does not say sex is shameful. It is just a byproduct of decades of vicious colonialism that have created this stigma around sex in Islam. Cultures that were colonized by white people were forced to adopt this ‘shameful’ concept of sex that wasn’t there before and it is still ingrained in many cultures, sadly. Quotes and comments like this one by Kamran Pasha are trying to break this stigma around sex and also break the colonial hold that still grips cultures which demonstrates itself in this shaming of sex idea.
I don’t understand how you can say that it is indecent when there are ahadith discussing healthy sex by Aishah herself. It is not indecent for her to enjoy sex with her husband or to discuss it. We have placed that stigma upon her. It didn’t exist in her day when she was married to Muhammad (saw). There is nothing indecent about sex. Sex is an amazing thing to be enjoyed with your husband/wife/partner in marriage. How can that be shameful? We need to break free of this stigma that sex is evil or else our children will grow up with these same misconceptions and bear the consequences of such illogical thinking.
As a convert, I think one of the hardest things for my extended family to accept is that I don’t drink alcohol. Not the five times a day praying, not the mosque, not anything like that, but the alcohol thing. It really makes me want to scream sometimes. Literally at every extended family event, someone has to point out that my husband and I drink juice, like it’s this massive deal. One time my uncle decided it was appropriate to call us out, over dinner, silencing the whole table, to tell us we were missing out on one of the greatest pleasures in life, a glass of wine.
I do not subscribe to a religion that allows me to judge others. I have never told my family members that they could not drink around me because I don’t like it. I have never told them that drinking is wrong, based on my particular religious beliefs. I have never, ever made them feel bad or even so much as commented on their alcohol consumption. But for me not to participate, as silently as I do, it is a big deal. I don’t get it.
I know in the future when my husband and I begin to host events at our house, like our kids’ birthday parties or whatever, that it will be a massive problem that I will not be serving alcohol. I just don’t get why something as simple as a glass of wine could be a determiner if they come to a party that I host. If I was a recovering alcoholic, they wouldn’t dream of commenting. But just because I’m choosing to live my life without it, it’s somehow appropriate to always make comments. I really don’t get it. It makes me depressed.
Why can’t we just be accepting of differences? I don’t care that they drink. I simple choose not to. I don’t force the Qu’ran down their throats, I never even bring it up, even though it’s something important in my life. Can you imagine if I had called out my uncle, over dinner, in front of everyone, to tell him that he was missing out on one of the greatest pleasures of life, reading the Qu’ran? They would be totally horrified and I would be accused of pushing my beliefs on them. So, why is it okay the other way around?
The early Muslims, especially Aisha, were extremely blunt in their description of physical attributes and sexual activities. They had none of the shame and discomfort that modern Muslims have about these issues, because they were not subjected to British colonial brainwashing. Many Muslims today, especially those from Indian subcontinental and Arab backgrounds, are the product of several centuries of Victorian cultural conditioning left over by the British.
During the Indian Raj, the British colonizers were horrified by how blunt the Islamic texts were about sexuality — there were popular “sex manuals” disseminated by the ulema (religious scholars) to give practical advice to husbands and wives about how to please each other, all based on hadith (oral traditions) of our Holy Prophet (pbuh). The Victorian British, who were raised to believe that sex even between married people was shameful and unspiritual, forced Indian Muslim scholars to retranslate these Arabic texts into Urdu using euphemisms that were acceptable to the colonialists. The result has been two centuries of Muslims believing that discussions of the human body and genitals as well as open talk about sex is uncultured, when in truth Muslims never had such taboos.
In the hadiths, Aisha was very blunt about how the Prophet (pbuh) liked to have sex. In the hadiths she said that he even enjoyed what we would call “French kissing” — that he used to suck on her tongue. “French kissing” was as such promulgated by early Muslims as a Sunnah (an example of the Prophet to be emulated).
All of this may shock you, but I would urge you to go back and read the hadiths for yourself, and you will see that blunt discussion of sex and physical body parts has always been a part of Islam."
— Kamran Pasha (via tmihijabi)
I saw this article today that was called “Mommy, why are we in the back?” and it was about this woman trying to teach her daughter about how we aren’t actually supposed to be hidden by curtains or shoved away in closets completely separated by men in the masjid.
Honestly, it was kind of a slap in the face. I’ve never even considered how I’m going to approach this with my daughter (if I have one, insha’Allah).
How do you explain misogyny and patriarchy to a child? How do I say, “I know it’s hard to understand jaanu, but we’re in this closet or behind this barrier because, even though the Prophet (saw) didn’t do this back when he was alive, some men, after his death, decided not to follow his example and decided that women’s bodies were haraam and that we don’t have the right to participate actively in the public ummah and so here we are. Sucks, right?”
I wish there was a book about how to explain what misogyny and patriarchy is without scarring a child for life. As an adult, i can understand that misogynistic opinions have crept into Islamic scholarship and know from my studies that this was not what Muhammad (saw) preached or tolerated in his time so I can still practice Islam knowing that, in reality, I am not a second-class citizen based on the fact that I am a woman, despite what structures of masjids or ignorant male muslims may say. A child can’t understand that … this is something I really need to think about. I do not want my daughter thinking this religion doesn’t value her.
Feminism is having a wardrobe malfunction.
Does your brand of feminism remove barriers for women, or simply move them around? Does is expand options for women, or does it just shift them? You don’t liberate women by forcing them to choose option B instead of option A. What is comfortable for you might not be comfortable for someone else, and it’s entirely possible that what you see as oppressive, other women find comfortable or even downright liberating.
Before you think the girl in the middle is a strawman, let me tell you I used to be her, back in my misguided youth. I considered myself the standard to which other people should adhere. But that was stupid. It’s not up to me to tell people how to dress, and it’s much nicer to let everyone choose for themselves.
Some women would feel naked without a veil. Some women would find it restrictive. Some women would feel restricted by a bra. Some women would feel naked without one. Some women would feel restricted by a tight corset. Others love them. Some wear lots of clothes with a corset. Some only wear the corset and nothing else. What makes any article of clothing oppressive is someone forcing you to wear it. And it’s just as oppressive to force someone not to wear something that they want to wear.
If you hear a well-to-do cookie cutter Muslim say that Feminism is some type of disease or “Western Innovation” that wasn’t known in past generations please let them know that the Prophet himself didn’t spend his life uprooting the ills of his society for you to come and acknowledge the “practices of your forefathers”.